Jovian turns 3.

Once again, it’s 26th January.

Happy Birthday Jovian. If I had the chance to tell you, I love you and I miss you. Whoever that understands this, I love and hate this date.

If you’re still around, you are still the most important person in life that I ever needed.

Curiously, I went to google to find out what will a 3 year old kid do right now. My research tells me that a 3 year old girl should be at their peak period of their development. Till now, they should

- talks so that 75 to 80 percent of his speech is understandable
- talks in complete sentences of 3-5 words
- stumbles over words sometimes – usually not a sign of stuttering
- enjoys repeating words and sounds
- listens attentively to short stories and books
- likes familiar stories told without any changes in words
- enjoys listening to stories and repeating simple rhymes
- able to tell simple stories from pictures or books
- enjoys singing and can carry a simple tune
- understands “now, soon, and later”
- asks who, what, where, and why questions
- stacks 5-7 blocks
- enjoys playing with clay or play dough (pounds, rolls, and squeezes it)
- can put together a 6-piece puzzle
- draws a circle and square
- recognizes common everyday sounds
- matches an object to a picture of that object
- identifies common colors such as red, blue, yellow, green
- can count 2-3 objects
- can solve problems if they are simple, concrete, real, and immediate, and if wants to
- interested in similarities and differences
- can distinguish, match, and name colors
- interested in features of animals that make them unique
- has good self-knowledge; can understand difference between self and younger children, but not between self and older children
- can say her age

anyway, it can be found @
http://www.nncc.org/child.dev/ages.stages.3y.html

You’re my greatest regret of life.

Still loving you.
♥Joanna

irritated

ASSHOLES!

FIRST YOU TAKE MY PERSONAL PLATE.
THEN YOU TAKE MY UTENSILS.
SPOIL MY MOUSE
NOW YOU TAKE MY CHAIR.
SPOIL MY HEADSET
EVEN MY LANDLINE PHONE YOU ALSO WANT TO TAKE!

WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT. TAKE THE WHOLE TABLE LARS.

KNS. KNN. NNBCCB!

DULAN.

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO RESPECT PEOPLE A NOT! USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN TO THINK! DON’T KNOW HOW TO THINK THEN FUCK OFF!

money; never enough

OMG OMG OMG!

I can’t believe that I spent almost 800$ last month, which 300$ goes to shopping! *faints* Super broke now.

It’s soon to be December! How to save for my blackberry Maybe, I shouldn’t buy it. MAYBE maybe. Or maybe get some sponsors from mum Ya, what’s with all the MAYBE . . . . . Maybe may not come true anyway.

And my taiwan trip!

A few days ago, my friend asked what am I going to do after graduating. Seriously, I don’t know. To further my studies or to be in the workforce. What he said might be true, studying is just for the sake of the cert. Imagine that you’re in a local U, and definately a degree cert when you graduate. And now, you have a diploma cert. A higher cert would mean higher pay, but it’s only a few hundreds dollars difference. In local U, you study at least 3.5 years. If the pay is 200$ higher, 3.5 years would be $8,400 difference which cannot even cover the cost that you have spent in Uni which is around $30,000 or more. If it’s a private U, you will take about 1 year. That will be $2,400, which too, cannot cover the amount that you pay for the cert which cost around $30,000 too. How much would you applied in studying the theories when you are in the workforce?

And I am sure, there is bound to have promotion within 3 years which will also result in pay raise. It’s just like exchanging experience for the cert. Makes sense? Maybe, maybe not.

4 months to end of poly life. So … what should I do? Find a rich man, and get married((: Problem solved. HAHAHA

a trust between friendship.m

To my great great surprise, it seemed like so many people know about the past of him and me. Why are people still talking about us after so long. Or may be I am just too paranoid.

This very day, I realised that he still can’t be truthful towards me; even as a FRIEND. Then, someone told me that if I had already lost trust in him then why should I believe him in the first place. This very day, 3 people told me the same thing. The same thing that I always thought that I know, yet I chose not to know.

I think I should die a million times.

Sometimes, some things just couldn’t help it. The brain says one thing, yet the heart says another.

Shuqin told me a story of her friend and another guy whom have affections for two ladies. It’s about dating, and being in a relationship. The guy couldn’t make up his mind of whom he want to be with, and so he’s dating 2 of them now. One of them knows another woman’s existence yet the other doesn’t. The guy is happy that he has best of both worlds. The woman who knows the existence of a rival doesn’t mind to be in this dating relationship even though she knows that there might be no future in the long run, because she’s happy right now being with him. The poor woman who doesn’t know that her “bf” has an affair thought she’s the only one he loves.

Another guy friend of mine asked me a question. If a guy likes me, and I doesn’t like him, would I take advantage of him? I told him a straight no. His conclusion was that most people would take advantage of the person. It was quite a food of thought. And so when I returned home, I asked myself this question again. Again, my answer was no. Otherwise, define adavantages.

A girl-friend of mine asked if I still had feelings for him, and pointed out that he seemed like a playboy. But I told her that he’s more like a flirt. In fact, I think most guys are flirt. Cos they can have 1 girl that they love, yet many flings around. They’re just out to play. And so, probably that is why social escorts/prostitutes are needed. Perhaps, this is why some woman would make a cuckold of their man.

Even Melvin could tell me that he still loves me and hoping that one day we could still be together when he has a girlf now. And I started to wonder, when we were together, did he say this to his ex. I appreciate all the things that he had done; the changes he made, the forgiveness he gave. He’s probably he guy that gave me the most security.

Are all guys like that? Or is it that he guys that I meet are baskets.

If I keep getting jealous over something, it just meant that the guy is not suitable for me because he’s not giving me any trust/security. Love is just a word.

20102010

20102010.

You better pray that I don’t find out that you are lying to me. Seriously, why are you making me to get pissed off with you.

I swear this is the last time, don’t ever think of asking me out again.

My life don’t revolve around you. If you can’t be truthful to me, this friendship has got no point anymore. I won’t be there for you anymore, you have your life and I have mine. You are not truly concern about me, you are always so self centered thinking for yourself. All the things you want from me, were to your advantages. You don’t even bother about my safety, my life, my everything so why should I consider yours.

I blame you, no one else. You ruined my life, thats it.

I used to have a perfect life, all thanks to you and my stupidness.

Leave my life, and never come back.

still forgetting.

Why did I become the puppet of your life? I wondered.

Over the years, my life got revolved around you no matter how hard I tried to let go. It’s almost a month when I can finally tell myself all these is over. Certainly, I hope so.

I want to let go of everything that I have on hand, starting my next chapter of life. I want to tell myself how strong I can be. Sometimes, I just hid under the pillow telling myself I couldn’t.

I felt like a fool, I just loved you blindly. Today, I watched a drama and realise tat everything can be deceiving. Since I had lost that trust, why should I trust you again. I won’t be there for you anymore, I hope.

I can’t erase the memories, but I can cast them aside trying to pretend that all these years, nothing had happened between us.

I just want to be happy, and lead a carefree life. I fear commitment, I fear liars, I fear relationships, I fear everything. I’m still finding a reason to trust because you broke all the trust that I had in you. I had become a liar because of you, I couldn’t commit to a relationship because of you, I couldn’t move on because of you.

People says, there’s hate because there’s love. I don’t hate you, but I love you.

All I need is time for all these cool downs. Why can’t I learn from them, run away from this place, run to a place that is far far away.

I know, happiness will come to me one day.

single-hood.

I dont want to explain why.

I left Gordon, yes it’s selfish. But it would be worst if I continue this relationship. He’s nice and all, but … what’s the point of hanging on when he’s giving more than receiving and that I can’t love him like how he loved me.

When I asked, “To be loved, or to love”, many said it’s better to be loved and to love, some said to be loved.

My conclusion is to let go of this relationship. On the surface, it may seemed that we’re a loving couple. In the inside, we do have problems. But mainly, I think it’s solely my problems.

Don’t ask me anymore. I don’t want to think about it. I love the times that is spent with him, but I can’t have him anymore. There’s no point to continue when I don’t love him like how he love me.

I think it’s the best time to cool-off and think about what is it all about. I’m too ignorant. I’m in a pool of love, yet I hurt myself and the ones who loved me.

I tried cherishing this relationship and I did. People say, you can deceive the whole world but not yourself. And yes, I can’t lie to myself anymore. I know this is not going to work out. I rather cry now, heartache now.

对不起。

I didn’t break up with him for a third party.

randomly random.

I am seriously, lazy to blog at my main blog.

I have got so many things to say, but I don’t know who to tell. Shuqin couldn’t get this guy off her mind whom she had only been with around 1 mth odd, and she left her ex-bf who has been tgt for 5 years to be with him.

They started, and the guy left that she isn’t the one for her after being attached.

Scenario of myself seemed to be re-enacted.

I totally understand how she feels, at the same time, I feel like telling her stop telling me how much you love him, how much you miss him. But I know, she just need someone to talk to.

Am I being irritating as well?

Lots of things had been going through my mind these days, and I wonder why do the guys that I fell for, I realized mostly are jerks. I can tell which ones are jerks for my friends, and I wonder why I couldn’t do it for myself.

Find me back the trust that I have lost.

disappointed

2 words, ultra disappointed.

thats it. I lost my trust in you COMPLETELY. I believe what I see and what I read.

I’m so silly.

心碎了就是碎了。

为什么我很了解你，却同时很不了解你。 到底应该相信事实还是相信你？

:(

How I wish I could have been more hard hearted. Randomly, I found out some things that maybe I shouldn’t have seen or do things that I shouldn’t have done.

I asked myself repeatedly how deep is my love for you, and how much I long to be together with you. I begin to realise that the old you that I know seemed to be so far apart. Maybe you did not change, just that I did understand you well enough. I always thought that I knew you, I know what you need. But today, I realise I don’t. I know you, but I don’t know what you want.

Stop lying to me please. Stop fabricating stories for me to hear.

Now, I’m starting to lose trust in you.

There is too many things in this world to handle, I’m not a superwoman and I can’t possibly know anything if it isn’t told or said.

Touch your heart, ask your conscience.